The Coldness in Vitality
by MasterHiei
Summary: I, Hiei, look back on my life and elaborate on what has changed me most. It's a recollection of my recent past, shown through my own words and thoughts. I primarily show how my relationship with Yukina has changed, and how that in turn changed me.
1. Breaking the Ice

_**Introduction:**_

The past.

It's rife with memories. Previously, I have avoided these memories, displeased with the emotional triggers they held. However, I have recently found that they are worth reliving.

It plagues me.

The feelings of anger, misery, confusion, and emptiness conflict with the senses of victory, warmth, and salvation.

Although I once thought it was better to keep moving, I now believe that I can gain a greater understanding of myself if I revisit what has changed me most.

* * *

Kurama has always been the closest thing to a friend. Although he's significantly older and wiser than I am, he has never been condescending. Whether that's his way of appeasing me, or it's his natural way, I've never been sure. It seems as though we are more alike than he leads most to believe, but I've never cared enough to delve into his psyche or analyze his past. However, he has always taken a great interest in mine. After great persistence on his part, I have revealed the important instances of days long lost.

He is consistent and reliable. Every night he can be found in his house, sitting in his second floor room, either at a computer or with a book in hand, and a serious look on his face until I land on his windowsill. Although I never visited him often, he was always prepared for my presence, and welcomed it. Typical. Safe. Repetitious. Descriptions that helped make me comfortable.

Although Kurama himself followed a predictable schedule, he could not control others. The most memorable visit was also the most inopportune, and it sparked a swift disruption in my life.

My day had been normal. It was as it had always been, as I thought it would always be. Whatever I was doing before I ran in the direction of his home, I cannot recall. However, a few things remain firmly ground in my memory.

I was running as quickly and as swiftly as always. My mind was blank except for basic sensory comprehension. I felt the coolness of the air, made even colder by my great speed. I had been wearing my cloak although the cold didn't bother me, the slap of cold air in fact making me feel more alive. The wind had smelled clean when I started, but had become more rank and stale as I went, proof that I was nearing his city. The blurs of green and brown plant life soon melded with grey concrete and burgundy bricks. The sounds of skittering rodents and quiet predators became lost in human whispers, roaming cars, and humming machinery.

I neared his building, and moved to the back of it where his room was located. A tree in the middle of his land was tall, and I always used it to make sure he was alone. I leaped upward, welcoming the freshness it gave off. After landing on a strong branch, I peered into his room. His mother wasn't there. That was all I needed. I jumped forward, and landed on his windowsill with a light tap, knowing he could hear.

He left the window unlocked for me, and I lightly pushed it open. A gust of wind blew at his maroon curtains as the window opened like two glass doors. I remained crouched on the edge, his back to me.

I waited. I never entered until he turned to me, there was no reason other than to maintain our understood repetition. He moved slowly in his seat, turning as cautiously as always as if I were a wild animal that would attack if he moved abruptly.

His face was warm, almost falsely so. He was still wearing his school uniform although it was dark outside. Kurama gestured with his hand for me to come in, a small laugh under his breath at my nod. I stepped in and pushed the window closed, my hands then resting in my pockets. I looked around, assessing his room as if I expected something to change. Nothing had.

"I was studying for a history test," he said flatly, updating me like always.

"Why study it? You are history," I said in response, in my rude way which was generally unintentional.

He disregarded it. Expected. He turned back and read again, letting me roam for a bit. What I had thought would happen was he would feed me some facts, and try to educate me against my will. I thought this because this was the typical occurrence after he turned back. However I was wrong.

The telephone near his desk light rang in the silence before Kurama had a chance to read. He was shocked; it was abnormal for someone to call him at what I remember to be 11:30 pm.

He picked it up nervously, his voice stuttering "h-hello? ...No…I can't, he's here. No, I understand." Kurama's voice was serious, nervous even. And he had mentioned me being there...Someone called about me.

Suddenly I became very suspicious. I had my guard up, although I was curious as to what could have made his countenance change so drastically. He stood lifelessly, his body visibly tense. When he turned to me, I was shocked. His face looked, depressed. I was confused, and was consumed with dread at that moment.

"Hiei, we need to go to Genkai's... It's Yukina," he said regrettably.

At that, I gasped. I couldn't fathom what had happened. Had she been kidnapped again? Was she hurt? Who did it? Why? In what way should I punish them? Question upon question flew into my mind at incredible speeds, my thoughts askew.

Kurama noticed my state, and it was obvious he knew something I didn't. However, I felt that rushing there would be more helpful then trying to get answers from him. If he didn't tell me something in advance, I knew there was a reason.

He pushed open his window, the cool night air bustling in. The night was as quiet and somber as we were. Kurama jumped out first and lead the way. Although I was tempted to leave him in the dust, I knew that he would have told me to if the problem were imminent. I decided to trust him, for he had never steered me wrong in the past.

I'd like to say I remember everything that happened on the way, that I was so alert that I absorbed all useless information that battered my senses as we ran. But I can't. I was so full of dread, and was so ready to be angry at whoever hurt her that I was beyond distracted. My body began to move on autopilot, my consciousness consumed. The only thing I remember vividly is Kurama occasionally turning back to look at me. His face hinted at sorrow, but somewhere in his eyes he was shaming me. I can't be sure how many times he turned back. It could well have been once, but my mind replays it multiple times now, making me wonder how I didn't figure out what had happened.

When we arrived I had trouble comprehending what I saw. We had stopped at the front of the dojo, and all of the lights were on. Windows were broken, and furniture was displaced. The shocking part was that large icicles were protruding from the floors and ceilings. The floor was coated in a thin layer of fresh snow, yet the weather was clear and dry. Standing outside, it looked beautiful, rueful, and the random places where the ice burst from the ceiling made me think of the last resort of an animal cornered. It didn't appear to be offensive, instead it screamed...fear.

My quiet observations were soon disturbed by Yusuke's brashness, "Kurama! Get in he..." he paused when he saw me. Apparently he had been walking and talking, and didn't expect to see me when he stepped out.

"I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do," Kurama said with regret, enticing an aggravated stare from me. Why keep it from me? I of all people would be entitled to any information regarding Yukina. Who would be so worth protecting that they would even consider keeping this from me, even consider angering me so?

"Well whatever! Come in here, I don't know what to do!!" he said desperately, shocking me back into the reality of the situation at hand. Yukina was more important than my pride...I had to keep telling myself that.

We rushed in, and that allowed me to see the full damages. With my hands in my pockets, I surveyed my surroundings. My eyes darted from corner to corner, and I noticed that exceedingly tall and misshapen icicles were protruding from the ground near Kuwabara. Noticing him seemed to be the last thing on my mind. However, that made his existence a bit more relevant.

He was cowering in a corner, breathing hastily and crying like a child. Pathetic. Even worse, when he saw me, he leaned more heavily into the wall and shivered like a leaf in the wind.

The large, imperfect ice was so tall that it pierced the ceiling above it. It wasn't transparent; in fact it was severely clouded. The pieces of ice formed a kind of arc like a tall wave in the ocean. It arced away from the moron, as if a shield against him.

My first instinct said that an ice demon had intruded and they let him hurt Yukina before stopping him. That would have made sense. To protect themselves, they'd avoid telling me…I knew she was there, I could sense her. She wasn't missing, so my thoughts were that they had been careless, but that she was fine now.

I was sadly mistaken.

Remaining calm, I continued to look around, ignoring Kuwabara's crying and begging which was sadly aimed towards me. Looking into the next room, I could see a door that was entirely sealed in ice. At noticing that, Botan walked in.

"HIEI!" she said squeakily in that annoying voice I grew to loathe. She collapsed where she had been standing, and after landing on her ass she began to scoot backwards, her eyes large and her lip twitching.

"Can everyone calm down and please tell me exactly how this happened?" Kurama said as if I wasn't there, although he was standing disturbingly close to me.

Yusuke gulped, but after looking around nervously, he seemed to realize he was the only one who could speak. He manned up and turned to Kurama, again as if I were not there.

"Well...Okay. We were all hanging around, Keiko was here too but I asked her to leave...Um, anyways. Yukina was talking to Kuwabara in the corner..." Kuwabara shivered at the sound of his name, looking at me as if I were Death himself, "And... I could hear what they were saying but didn't think much of it. I think she thought she was quiet enough...Uh, well, she was asking Kuwabara if he had seen Hiei in a while," and at that my eyebrows raised. "He said that he didn't like Hiei and wouldn't communicate with him if he was paid... and she didn't like that he said that. She... said Hiei was nice, that she missed him. Kuwabara got annoyed and asked why... and she...s-she said..."

"Out with it!" I yelled.

He gulped and continued to ignore me otherwise, "She said...she thinks she likes him like a mate..." he cringed as he said it. My eyes grew large, and my throat closed up. I couldn't speak or think or move, frozen like the ice that surrounded me. "Kuwabara yelled...he didn't think... and we told him a while ago but he forgot to keep his mouth shut...He screamed 'YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON YOUR BROTHER??' We all heard, and looked at her. She... yelped 'What?!?' And...um, all of this happened…And then she locked herself in that room when we tried to calm her."

Kurama had known some of it, but not all of it, and his face reflected his empathy for her. Yusuke's did as well, the two of them more concerned with her then what I would do. Kuwabara's face was blue with terror at my knowledge of the situation, and Botan was hiding behind a door, peering out at us. Yusuke looked at me for the first time since I had stepped in and showed me that he somehow cared about me in this situation.

"I'm sorry Hiei… I would have stopped it if I could've."

I heard him, and maybe I appreciated it somewhere deep inside. But, at that moment I couldn't feel anything but shame. She exploded because she found out that I was the brother she had been looking for, the bloodthirsty, heartless fire demon.

My heart ached. She had feelings for me. Somewhere deep that...made me feel strange. But the overwhelming disgust with myself for being such a disappointment to her was in the forefront of my mind. I couldn't determine whether she reacted this way because she was ashamed of being my sister, or for liking me. I assumed it was the shame of being related to me because I couldn't fathom that she cared for me much...I didn't think it was possible. Her world must have been shattered by my existence. And even if...that small chance that she did really care was the reason... it was my fault for not telling her. Everything was my fault. Everything.

I couldn't just stand around and observe any longer. I usually never felt my heart, that emotional orb in our chests that is separate from the organ that pumps our blood. The only time I had feeling there was when I knew she felt something. Knowing she was in pain or knowing she was happy brought me similar feelings. But this time was different, it wasn't some pain of hers that I experienced vicariously, it was one of my own, a throbbing pain, a thorn in my heel.

I needed to go to her, although I had no idea what I would do from there. My mind was thinking one step at a time, and even that was hard because my body was numb with agony.

My head lowered, my eyes closing to thin, piercing slits. I was entirely silent, and from what I was told later, I frightened everyone then more than I ever have. Slowly I walked, my limbs heavy, my skin cold. I walked past them, all of them. I moved toward the door that was covered entirely in Yukina's ice.

Placing my hand on the ice, I focused heat through my palm, not wanting to use flames and frighten her from the other side. The crystalline ice gave to my heat and dripped onto the floor, creating puddles at my feet. When the door was clear I stopped.

I stood before it and pushed it with my hand, a quiet thump audible. I left my hand against it. It's all I could think of doing, it meant something at that moment. It was the closest thing to touching her maybe.

"Please...please, leave me alone..." she said in a raspy voice. It sounded worn, like she'd been screaming. Maybe she was, I couldn't have known for sure. The ice blocked all sounds beforehand.

"...Is that what you want?" I whispered, my forehead resting against the door next to my hand. I can still remember the feeling of the wood's grain against my skin.

"It's, you..." she mumbled hoarsely, a hint of shock and shame as if she were caught doing something terrible.

The door creaked open. I was sure the others were watching, shocked enough that I hadn't killed Kuwabara. I must have confused them more than they could have imagined when I walked in, and closed the door behind me without a sound.

It was dark. I could just barely see her. She was huddled in the middle of the floor, her kimono disheveled, and her hair loose. Her head hung so low that I couldn't see her face at all, and teargems were in piles around her. There were so many in fact, I had to keep my back to the closed door to avoid slipping on any of them. In reality, I was paralyzed there because I had no idea what to do, but the fear of slipping just sounds less pathetic.

Both of our heads hung shamefully low in the dark. It seemed like hours, but it had only been minutes. My anxiety grew with each second, the awkward silence making me want to flee like an animal backed into a corner, much like how she felt earlier. Just being there was more than I thought I'd ever do. I couldn't muster up anymore bravery without reinforcement. Just my luck, she was ready to give me some.

"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to assume things," Yukina said quietly, pain rippling in her voice.

I didn't fully understand. How could she be sorry? Everything was my fault..."What do you mean?" I said slowly, my mind trying to be careful with what I said, and how I said it. I wanted to be sensitive to her, as much as I knew how.

"That... you... cared about me." Her words were slower than mine, and part of me wished they weren't. Those words cut me deeply, I wanted her to know how wrong she was for thinking her assumption was incorrect, but only a few weak gasps escaped me.

At hearing my gasps, her head jolted upward, her eyes glazed and wide, "I mean!" Her voice squeaked, unable to handle the loudness or pitch with how worn it was. Her eyes closed a bit with shame, her face still high and visible to me, "You don't care about me the way I thought... it was wrong of me to assume you did. I'm sorry for any trouble I caused you Hiei..." The ache in her voice made me choke a little. I couldn't fathom that she could have wanted me to feel for her to that extent. It seemed like I had ripped her heart out and stepped on it, and after that...She felt ashamed as if she were culpable.

My mind wandered back to the past few months. I had been visiting Yukina more frequently as the weeks went by. I would enter the human world to see her about twice a week, sometimes more. She would always be outside during the day, and would smile warmly at the sight of me.

She used to try to find things to keep me busy. It always seemed that she was worried I would grow bored, but little did she know that I would have gladly stayed with her in a silence for days.

The things she came up with weren't extremely creative. She did whatever she could to get me to talk, to make me interact with her. At first she would take me with her as she performed errands. Things like going to market, planting herbs and blooms, and preparing food. I'd follow her, and she'd ask me questions in a sweet voice. They were always questions about me, the things I liked, places I'd been, and the things I'd done. I felt strange about answering them sometimes, and if they were too personal, she'd simply ask another, pretending like it never happened.

Soon she set time aside for me personally. Rather than taking me along, she found things for us to do together. She taught me different games and skills as a way for us to bond I suppose. We played Chinese checkers, cards, and different games with boards that made little sense to me. Once, she tried to teach me how to make an origami crane. Out of frustration, I ended up burning the paper. I thought that would frighten her, but it made her giggle. She seemed to be amused by my frustration as long as I wasn't violent.

Yukina blushed very often at that time, and she'd place her hands over mine quiet often when teaching me something. I never thought much of it, except that maybe she liked being around me. I enjoyed how things were, but maybe it was wrong of me to try to be close to her. If I had stayed away like I always had, this pain wouldn't be ripping her apart in front of me.

Looking down at her, my mind replayed the blushing smile that had always brightened my day. That smile had faded into a heartbreaking frown, melted into tears, and seemed forever lost.

I took a few cautious steps, my hands dug deep into my pockets, and my head down in shame. My feet met in front of her, and I slowly knelt down. How abnormally beautiful she looked, her clothes and hair unkempt, and her face pink and swollen with sorrow.

I wasn't fully thinking at that point, I was acting first, so I didn't turn away from her, or avoid her eyes from shame. My hand came up, my fingers folded inward. I moved my hand underneath her chin, my thumb pressing against it, and I softly brought her head a bit higher. Her body quivered unexpectedly at my touch, but I disregarded that. When her eyes met mine, I looked into hers with intensity and serenity.

"I'm sorry I can't give you what you want, but nothing is your fault..." My words were but a soft whisper, and her eyes looked away from mine at hearing them. I recognized that action because I have done it myself; she didn't believe me.


	2. Frost Bite

"Let's put this behind us...for now. You have enough to deal with." Her eyes returned to mine then, and slowly she nodded.

"Whatever you say...Brother." Her lips curled a bit, almost smiling, and her cheeks became rosy. She liked calling me that...She liked that I was her brother.

I continued to look into her eyes, the both of them becoming brighter by the second. Beautiful. That's all I could think. My hand fell to her shoulder, and I felt her moving closer to me. I didn't move away, I simply let her do as she pleased. With her cheek on my shoulder, her face inward, and her body slowly relaxing against mine, I couldn't help but feel at ease. With no reservations, I wrapped my arms around her, and felt her sink into my chest.

In the silence I found that I could think more clearly. I thought about what touched my senses at that moment...I wanted to relish it in case it never happened again.

I noticed her scent, it was sweet as always, but there was something else to it. I suppose I never analyzed it beyond recognizing her by it. There was a subtle tone I had never picked up on before. For a lack of better words, it was...salty. It was like butter, rich and sweet, with undertones of saltiness that were hard to explain. Looking back, it's safe to say that the way I viewed her scent in the past was similar to how I viewed her. I once thought her sweet and simple, but realized she was complex, she had deep emotions hidden behind kind smiles that I could never have picked up on. She was mature, accepting, and as desperate for closeness as I was.

I closed my eyes and felt her delicate body against mine. It was so light, and small. Although most of our skin was covered, her nose touched my neck and I could feel the contrast in our skin. Her skin was smooth and cooler than most, whereas mine was tough and hotter than most. As I focused enough, I could feel it through her clothes as my hands rested on her back. It gave me chills for a moment, something unfamiliar to me.

It seemed like we were beyond time, until she moved away from me. I'll admit that I didn't want to let her go since that was the first time I held her that way, but I knew I had to. She sat back, and began to adjust her kimono and retie her long, sea green hair.

I left soon after that, but that warm smile came with me, and visited me every night in my dreams.

She and I hadn't told anyone what happened then. There was nothing wrong with it, but it remained something between us. No one knew how I comforted her, or why we seemed fine. We thought it better that way.

As time passed, I visited her more. I was with her almost every other day, and if I ever needed to be away for long I would bring her something. Once I brought her a rare Abmael root from an unmapped area of demon world. It was an ugly brown blob, but inside was a rich, white syrup that could permanently moisturize skin and hair. She kissed me on the cheek for that.

I would hug her before I'd leave, but as time went by, each hug lasted longer. After a few weeks, I ended up holding her for hours at a time. I'd always have to be the one to break the embrace as much as it pained me. Comfortable silence was an important part of that until I was away for weeks.

I was on a mission for Mukuro that lasted much longer than expected. Although I didn't officially work under her, I did work for her and if she needed it, I'd received greater payment than anyone else involved. Keeping good relations with her has proved beneficial in the past, so when I received a message that she needed me, I visited her for the details.

I entered her castle with ease since I was feared and known so well. She owned such little land since power had shifted, but she did have a few thousand weak followers. I walked the familiar halls, and passed the ugly weaklings that skittered around each corner. The floors and walls were all made of similar grey bricks, little chips and scratches in each hinting at their antiquity. After making a few turns, I walked past the men that guarded the staircase to Mukuro's quarters.

The men gave me some dirty looks, their eyes hinting at their jealousy of my standing. Many were bothered that I was treated so well since I have only worked with Mukuro for a few short years, compared to their decades. However that didn't faze me, it was just an amusing observation of mine.

I passed them and made my way up the long spiral staircase. After going up a few steps I was out of their view, and then decided to speed to her. Patience was never an ability I could claim to have, but speed was. I must have gotten up over 300 stairs in a matter of two seconds, still too long for me. I stopped abruptly at the top of her stairs, but my cloak continued to flow in front of me for a moment from the wind I created.

My eyes darted from one side to the other. She had smaller rooms, but from the top of the stairs I entered the largest. It was her office. The floors were perfectly leveled and flat, and the walls were made of glass so she could view the world outside at her leisure. I grinned at seeing the impressive glass, always personally believing it was really there to tempt the ignorant with the possibility of attacking her. The fact that no one had ever tried must have added to her ego as it would mine. She was amusing...

I looked to the extreme right and I saw her sitting at her desk. Most of the room was empty except for her desk, a few plain seats, and a large computer system. She used that to keep track of her belongings and to monitor the area inside and around her castle. Mukuro had installed high-tech cameras, because she trusted no one else but me.

Of course she noticed me, but she stayed silent as I looked around. She, like Kurama, was used to my way of inspecting places I hadn't been in a while. I probably amused her just as much as she amused me, if not more. She shot me a grin from her seat, "Timely as usual" she said in her monotone way.

"It's not very difficult," I said flatly, a small smirk on my lips as well.

"Not for you maybe..." she chuckled as I stepped up to her long, mahogany desk.

"Why did you send for me?"

"Quick to the point. You're fast with so many things you do Hiei, it makes a girl wonder about how you are in other areas…"

"Not funny."

"Oh, but it is," she laughed into her hand, her elbows resting on the desk in front of her. Amazing how she could look sharp and graceful while being so crude. "If I don't have fun with you, then who would I have fun with Hiei?" She liked rhetorical questions. "Well, I'll keep it short. A precious artifact has been stolen from me. And before you ask, because I know you will, it's a looking glass. It allows the user to peer into their unconscious mind, their soul, and answer any question. It isn't important to me except that it's one of a kind and therefore valuable, and the man orchestrated the theft could use it against me." Her voice was more serious than usual, and her brow furrowed in a way I was not used to seeing in her.

"How?"

"You never take things for face value do you? Haven't I told you enough?!" My lips stuck tightly closed as she raised her voice. I glared at her and she closed her eyes to calm herself, "I'm sorry. The looking glass uses your voice to answer the question you present it with. It will infiltrate the mind of the person who asks the question. If he captures any of my men and makes them ask a specific question, he could learn something that could allow him to get past my first line guards and cause a war between us. It is meant for the subconscious, but can read any level of the mind..."

"I understand."

"Always so short in words. I'd say more on that, but I'm just not in the mindset for laughing any longer." I looked away and sighed, some part of her was still laughing inside. She wasn't the best liar with me unless it was about something important.

"Tell me about the man..."

"If you hurry, you'll need to know nothing about him. I have a few men following the ones who stole the looking glass. Right now his men are unable to go very far. The fastest way to get to their boss required they climb and cross multiple peaks in the Frozen Goliath mountain ranges. They're weak and vulnerable in that low temperature... You're one of the only people I know who could handle the cold and be fast enough to get there while they're weak."

"Get someone to brief me on their location so I can track them with my Jagan. Assemble the men you want me to drag along, and I'll get started on my way."

"...Thank you Hiei."

I turned and sped to the special room on the bottom floor where I met the men assigned to work under me. At seeing them, I raised an eyebrow.

"Two ice demons...and...what the hell are you?" I pointed to a skinny demon with purple skin, glasses, and random little horns protruding from his neck and forehead.

"Why I'm an ogre of course," he said in a grossly chipper way. It made me cringe. I couldn't sense more than the spirit energy of a human in him.

He was holding a flat, square device with two handles, and a glass screen. "What the fuck is that, and why are you even in my presence?"

"Haha, you are funny sir! This is a tracker for the looking glass...Madam Mukuro had me put special bugs on each valuable item in storage. I need to go with you because I am the inventor and the only one able to use this tracking device sir."

"What is the meaning of this? I can track it myself." This was becoming far more frustrating than I had originally thought, and I hadn't seen Yukina in three days because of this.

"Oh, I'm sorry...I though Madam told you? The enemy knows about you and your Jagan eye. The thieves are especially attune to such psychic abilities. To put it simply, if you use it, they'll know you're there and alert their strongest fighters from across the mountains to fight us. If any of us are captured and they have the looking glass, Madam's fears will come true."

I grumbled audibly, "Fine."

How we got there is a blur. Boring walking and running that lasted two days because of the ogre. Then it was the even slower climbing of the moutains and making the specific turns to get to the looking glass as quickly as possible. It took a week before we were close to them.

The mountains were huge, and they would have taken me nearly half a day to travel at top speed. The time was understandable, but so bothersome, and all I could think of was Yukina. The coldness and the purity of the fresh laid snow reminded me of her. I wanted this all to be over.

I was silent the entire way because I figured the ogre would annoy me enough that I'd kill him and ruin the mission. The ice demons were silent as well, but they seemed unfazed by the time it was taking.

My teeth were grinding in anger by the time the ogre yelped, "They're close!"

"Where? Where are they??" I said, my hand roughly grasping his arm.

"Oh eh, erm... Three miles ahead, a quarter to the right!" he said nervously, my tone and roughness scaring him.

"You two! Stay with him!" I grunted before I blurred away. I ran with the energy I had been wanting to use for days. Soon I got close enough that I could sense them myself even though they seemed to cloak their energy well.

From a few yards away I was able to see them from a high ridge. They were thin, tall, and shrouded in black. How ridiculous for someone who doesn't want to be found in the snow.

Without much hesitation, I rushed behind the follower of the two. With my Katana, I slashed across his back before he realized it, although I expected him to know I was there and turn... Regardless, I walked with the other for a few yards, my mind seriously amused that he didn't look back or sense me.

"We're not too far off..." he said as he struggled in the snow.

"Really?" I said sarcastically, a chuckle bursting from my lips as he froze in place.

"Y-you..." he muttered as he slowly turned to look at me.

"Yes, me. Your boss isn't as smart as he thinks he is. Sending two weaklings simply because they have exceptional sensing of demon energy... Quite useless when none is used eh?" He gulped and quivered in fear, how pathetic. "You don't know how to mask energy, you simply have none. Maybe I should let you go out of sheer pity..." I said as my katana dripped the blood of his comrade.

"Please! Yes!!"

"Tch..." I bent to the ground and wiped my sword of the blood with the clean snow. Then I slid my Katana back into its sheathe, and glanced up, "...Or not." I used my angle to punch upward, my fist hitting his sternum and breaking most of his ribs. The shattered bones killed him almost instantly.

"Hn... I don't want blood on Mukuro's artifact," I said to myself. I reached into his pocket as he lay motionless, and pulled out a small, burlap sack. What an obvious place to keep it...though I didn't expect anything better.

This whole situation bothered me because I felt like I wasn't needed. I felt that they could have done this without me, seeing how weak these thieves were. It felt like nothing better than a waste of time. However, when I returned to the other three, I realized why I was there. The ogre looked at me reluctantly, and then back at the other two.

"We... don't know how to get back..." he said slowly, obviously worried that I'd be pissed.

"Peh, so that's why she needed me. To guide you all back. You should have brought a fucking dog instead," I said as I pulled off my bandana. My Jagan opened slowly, it being less pleased than I.... I walked in the proper direction as it glowed to guide me, and the others followed.

It took another two weeks to get passed the mountains, the ogre exhausted from "rushing" before. Killing the thieves allowed me to take out my aggression, but then I wondered what would save him from me after he doubled our time.

He slowed us down further by nearly getting captured. The ice demons took care of the attackers, my mind too distanced to care about his wellbeing any longer. When I realized they must know the part of Makai we were in, I raised my hand showing them the back, and then disappeared from their sight.

I rushed passed everyone in Mukuro's castle, only the wind I created being a sign that I was there. I landed at the top of her stairs again, and Mukuro was unexpectedly sitting in a chair a few feet from that spot.

"It took you long enough Hiei..." she said with arms folded, a smirk on her lips.

"If you didn't pair me with a slow ogre, I would've been done in one day!" My aggravation was obvious in my tone, and my fists were firmly closed since my anger had not been taken out on anyone.

"OH I know, I just like teasing you, especially when you're homicidal." She chuckled loudly in her seat at my expense.

"Hn... here," I said as I removed the sack from my own pocket. I reached forward for her to grab it, but her arms remained folded and her face became serious.

"Hiei... keep it."

"What?? I don't want it!"

"It's part of your payment."

"You made me go through all of this... and you don't even want it?!" My breath hastened with anger at hearing her.

"No no, listen to me and calm down Koorime." She called me that as some sick pet name, and I never cared enough to stop her. "I've already used it on myself, and I found out what I wanted to know. Keeping it here would just allow my enemies to get it." Her arms unfolded, and she leaned forward, her head resting in her hands as her elbows rested on her knees. "You're a very distant person Hiei. So distant that it's fair to say, you don't even know yourself. There must be questions you have for yourself, things you don't understand. This will allow you to find out all you want to know. When you're done with it, you can do what you'd like. I trust that whomever you would leave it with would be able to protect it."

I stared down at the sack. I hadn't opened it before to even know what it looked like. "What else do I get?"

"Some healing herbs, new bandages, Ningenkai and Makai currency, and some pure gold..."

She had never given me such a variety in payment before. When I received the money, I was shocked because it too was more than I had ever been given by her, although I felt I had done very little. I didn't argue. It was put in a large burlap sack, and given to me by Mukuro personally.

"Use it all in good health Hiei."

I glanced at her from the side of my eye before leaving. I never said goodbye to her, that was our way.

I sped to the human world as quickly as my body would allow. Surely I rushed there faster than I had even run to escape any enemy. I can only remember how badly I wanted to see her, and not what I saw or heard on the way.

When I arrived, I stopped a few feet away. Excitement rippled through me, but my nature has always dictated that I watch before I enter. Sometimes it was a positive thing, like when I got the chance to see Yukina acting naturally.

At that moment she was on her knees, pushing seeds into freshly leveled dirt. Her fingers moved so lightly and gracefully that very little dirt sullied her ivory skin.

Inspiring.

I walked to her slowly, and allowed my footsteps to be audible so I wouldn't startle her. Her back straightened, and she ended up in a traditional sitting position. As her head turned to me, I couldn't help but wonder how that was comfortable and natural to her.

"Hiei..." Her tone was quiet and relieved, although there was something else behind it.

"...Yukina."

She stood, her face serious. She turned and walked inside, and I followed her. However, when inside, she stopped with her back to me.

"Is there something you needed?"

"Um, no." I was confused. She was usually so warm to me... I would have thought she was worried and would open her arms to me in relief.

"Then why are you here?"

"Hn," I sighed. I began to walk away from her without a word.


	3. Frozen in Fear

When she realized I was leaving, her thoughts seemed to switch gears. "Wait!" She yelped at such a high pitch her voice cracked. I stopped short, my back to her at that point. "I'm sorry," she said with her fist grasping her kimono at her chest.

"I think I'd better leave." My tone was empty. I didn't want to hurt her with my presence. If I caused her pain, I figured leaving would be the best thing for her.

"No...Please... I… missed you….Why did you stop visiting?"

"I was on a mission for Mukuro. I didn't have the _option_ to see you once I realized how long it would have taken," I said coldly, my body moving to face her again. I was still distant, ready to leave at any sign that she would rather me gone.

"...I thought you didn't want to, anymore." Her words were sincere, and the pain was obviously from my absence, not my reappearance. I calmed my mind after I realized why she acted the way she did, and felt it was my place to be mature for her. I took a step closer and placed my hand on her shoulder.

"Come; let's talk in your room." She nodded, and walked with me, her cheeks a vivid pink.

After entering the room, I closed the door behind us and guided her to her bed. She sat on the white sheets cautiously, her hands holding each other as they lay on her lap. The half open blinds let sunlight flood into the room, and the light bathed us in mid afternoon warmth. We sat next to each other, just an inch between us in the natural light, one of my hands on the burlap sack, the other placed on her knee. I lifted the sack onto my lap and opened it slowly, and her eyes widened at seeing what it contained.

"I didn't know how long I'd be gone, and Mukuro gave me this so I wouldn't be so displeased with her for misleading me." I said this slowly, trying to reassure her that I was there because I wanted to be, although I was unsure of how to deal with these kinds of situations.

"I understand, I'm sorry again..." Her eyes turned from me for a moment, and her head lowered in shame. It hurt me to see her feeling like me.

"Stop, that's unnecessary." Her hand grasped mine, and her eyes stared into mine with sorrow.

"No, it's not. I was worried that you didn't like me anymore and I took it out on you without knowing all of the facts. It was unfair of me..." Tears began to well up in her eyes and I had no idea how to quell them. What should I say? How could I fix this so she'd smile? I was so unused to dealing with others…

"Yukina. You need not beat yourself up about me. Just know that I will never be sick of you, or stop feeling… what I feel." I was somewhat clueless as to what to say then, and I knew she'd pick up on it.

"...What, do you feel...how exactly do you feel about me Hiei?" I didn't respond right away. My eyes looked down and I remained silent for a moment. "You, don't have to answer if you don't want to," she said politely as her head lowered, her eyes nearly closed.

"...Strongly." Her head raised a bit that, although mine remained low.

"But it's not the way you know I'd like you to feel… right?"

"I know I shouldn't."

"That doesn't mean you don't..." she said with some hope in her voice. My head didn't move as I focused on her. I knew it'd be wrong to feel that way, but did I? Or didn't I? "It's okay Hiei," she said as she rested her hand on the middle of my thigh. Chills ran down my spin, and I jolted back to an upright position. Yukina pulled her hand back and blushed, "Sorry!" I nodded stiffly, my muscles tense and my eyes wide.

She got up nervously and hurried to the kitchen, "Um, I'll prepare our dinner..." I didn't acknowledge her because she was already two rooms away when she finished her sentence, her arms moving back and forth quickly as she scurried.

I sighed and relaxed backwards onto her bed, my legs bent and hanging off the end. I stared at the ceiling, my arms at my side, and the sack on my lap. I decided to rest my eyes until the food was ready, no point in thinking on what just happened.

"Hiei," I heard her say from another room. I sat up slowly, and blinked my eyes a few times to wake myself up. I looked toward the window and realized it was already dark out, and then my desperate stomach reminded me of the food. I figured it must have been ready since I smelled it.

I stood and walked to the dining room, my hands in my pockets. Yukina was already on her knees, the food in front of her, and where I usually sat a larger portion was served. It smelled very good, and helped me to realize how hungry I'd been, having barely eaten the whole time I was away. Her cooking was always rich, seasoned well, cooked just right; it was impeccable, and made it hard to fathom how she never made mistakes with it.

Dumplings, fish, rice, I ate all that was in front of me almost unwillingly since it was prepared so nicely, and we stayed quiet until Yukina got up to bring our dishes to the kitchen.

"Hiei," she said as she stacked them, "Can you stay here tonight? It'd make me feel a lot better about you being gone for so long..." Her head turned away, expecting a negative response.

"Alright." She smiled contentedly with her head still somewhat away from me, and walked to the kitchen as I got up and dragged my tired body back to her room.

After fifteen minutes or so, she joined me. However, I had my eyes closed and she mistook me for asleep. I was sitting on the floor, facing her bed, my head bowed down, and my arms folded in front of me. She didn't try to wake me, though she mistakenly thought I'd be cold, so she draped a thin blanket over me, not caring that some of it was on the floor. Then she laid in bed and covered herself, moving around until she was comfortable.

I didn't open my eyes until I heard her breath slow down and deepen. I watched her for a minute to make sure she wasn't awake, and I quietly opened the sack in front of me to pulled out the smaller sack. A leather string held it closed, and I loosened it so I could reach inside. Gently I grabbed the artifact and pulled it out while being careful not to drop it.

I could see well in the darkness, and I finally got to see what the thing that caused me so much trouble looked like. It was a small, bronze telescope. It was dusty, and was collapsible. I grasped it and extended it to its maximum length. The bits of moonlight that seeped through the half-closed blinds were enough for me to see an engraving that read:

"Light cannot cure the darkness of a closed heart."

I continued to examine it, disregarding the words for the moment. I tried to look through the small hole myself, and saw nothing but pure blackness, but looking through the larger end, I could see the floor. Strange. I reached for the small sack again and put my hand back inside, thinking there must be something else. There was. A tiny piece of parchment was rolled up at the bottom, and I removed it. I unrolled it carefully and read it as well:

"Hold the glass to your heart with your right hand, the smaller part in that hand. Cover the viewing hole with your left hand, and ask the question you cannot yourself answer. The response will come in your own voice, and if you are open to the answer, the words will ring true as if you spoke them."

"I have to be...open," I whispered to myself, my eyes darting up for a moment to see if I woke her. I didn't. Sighing slowly, I positioned the looking glass as the parchment instructed, and breathed the question as silently and as clearly as possible, "How exactly do I...feel, about Yukina?" The looking glass began to get hot in my hand, and gave off a light through the center that was luckily covered by my clothed chest. Only a thin ring of light was visible, and it shone gold, warm to my covered skin.

"Yukina..." it said, eerily mimicking my voice perfectly." She is the most important thing to me," this I knew, but it was a bit louder than I expected, though I couldn't get up and leave without moving it from my chest. "Yukina makes me warm, a hotness I can't control."

"Shh..." I mumbled, hoping it could somehow understand that its words could wake her, and that those were blunt words I was barely ready to hear, let alone be comfortable with her hearing.

"She is why I live; she gives a sweetness to each breath when I'm near her, and I get a rush to each thought of her… like the victory of a kill." It was much more talkative and than I, and made me blush and feel uncomfortable unlike I ever had, my eyes jolting up and down, again worried that she might hear my soul spilled before her. Although, it seemed to be able to explain things in my terms, something I was minimally thankful for. "She's beautiful, so beautiful. More so than any other girl I've ever seen. Yukina is absolutely the only one who can make me smile, and not shamed to show it." I gulped as I heard her move, could she hear? "I love her, more than I ever thought I could love anyone. I love her the way she wants me to… the way I'm afraid to." She sat up slowly and I gasped as the looking glass lost its glow, and cooled before me.

Her eyes were crimson, almost glowing like her pale skin in the moonlight. Her face was pure white, and her hair tinted blue, she was luminous. It made her look so pure, so beyond me and my conception. I was huddled in the dark, frozen by her beauty, and by the realization that she heard too much, a realization I wasn't ready for her to know of. Her sweet smile grew, her cheeks blushing with delight, her eyes smiling along with her tender lips. It was all too much for me.

"Oh…Hiei…." she mumbled, her face so pleased, so contrasted to the horrified look I must have displayed. However she couldn't see me in the dark, she didn't know how disturbed I was, and so she didn't expect me to act the way I did.

I'm sure I appeared as only a blur to her when I fled. Fleeing is the only way I can explain it. I rushed past her, breaking her window and ran in any old direction simply to get far away. I was out of sight before the shards of glass clinked to the ground, my heart pumping so fast that I didn't think the glass might have cut her.

Before I got far I could hear Yukina wailing, "Hiei!!" and Genkai busting in, back from her trip only to find Yukina screaming in tears.


	4. Son of Summer

I moved without thought, I ran with no destination in mind. I ran straight, and so far that I was at the border of Makai. My actions were so animal and so quick that I can't recall what I saw on the way, what I felt, or what I thought. I only recall landing on a tree branch, unwilling to go any farther.

It was only when stopping that I was able to take note of what I felt, and what I was thinking. My heart pounded so quickly and so violently that it made my ears throb. The rhythm was similar to war drums, fast, loud, and gave off the feeling of tension. My breath was shallow and rapid, and my eyes were wide with shock. I must have looked terrified. I felt terrified.

She knew everything. I wasn't prepared for her to see things in me that were buried so deep that I refused to see them. However, at calming down, I realized how none of that truly justified my actions.

I sat down on the branch, my back against the bark as always, and my eyes peered up at the sky while I thought hard on what I had done to her. Usually her tears would urge me to move the Earth if only to quell them. However, there was something about that exposure that made me lose my mind to my adrenaline. It was fight or flight, and I chose flight as the expense of her heart.

My eyelids grew heavy with pain as I thought back on her crying and wailing, looking absolutely destroyed. I always believed I was bad for her, and this became evidence for me. I would have left it at that, and never spoken to her again for her own benefit, except I knew that I needed to fix what I had done, and that time wouldn't heal the wound I created. I know better than anyone what being rejected and left alone is like, and making her feel as I have for my entire life was the last thing I wanted.

When my heart calmed down I thought about seeing Kurama. Though I wanted to fix this, I didn't know how. A simple apology didn't seem to be enough. She could have already hated me by then, and Kurama was the one skilled with words. If I wanted to get through to her, he'd be the one who could help.

I stood slowly, my body exhausted from the rush of adrenaline. Part of me definitely didn't want to face this; I was still tempted to flee, for good. However, I knew better, and kept the image of her crying on the floor to keep me on course. I ran slower than usual, simply because I was exhausted, and weary about the whole situation.

By the time I arrived it had been about three hours since the incident. I was prepared for him to look down on me for my actions, I was prepared for a lecture, but I was not prepared for what I saw. Standing on the tree that let me look into his room, I saw Yukina sitting on his bed, Kurama seated very closely beside her. His mouth was to her ear and she was silent with her eyes closed as he whispered something so low I couldn't hear it.

It was obvious she was seeking advice as I was planning to do; however, it was also clear that Kurama was seeking something else. I saw her nod and turn to him blushing as he handed her a folded piece of paper. His hand rested on her knee and he smiled that smile I knew too well. I felt my fists clench in response, my heart beating rapidly again, but in anger this time.

My lip curled in a snarl as I remembered a promise I had made to Kurama. I agreed to never use my Jagan to read his mind or his communications unless someone's life depended on it. No one's life was in danger, and fighting a furious Kurama was not worth knowing, though I was exceedingly tempted.

She walked into the bathroom with small steps, and closed the door behind her. He sat relaxed on his bed, his eyes never looking at his open window. I remained in the tree and continued to watch, waiting for him to do something more obvious, though I dreaded it on a deeper level than I originally thought.

When she returned my eyes became focused, watching every little move they made. She sat next to him again, only this time her hand rested on his knee. Her cheeks were so pink they looked sunburned, and she giggled at his smile.

"Thank you for consoling me Kurama…" she said in a sweet tone, one I wished was directed at me.

"You know you're always welcome in my home." His arm wrapped around hers, his eyes morphing into determined slits. "Why don't you get more comfortable Yukina? You're too wound up from all of this…" His hand reached behind her and pulled on her ribbon, her hair flowing freely, her face calm with no sign of shock or discomfort.

"I just…thought I'd be alone in this." Her head lowered and her eyes shut slowly, the pain visible on her porcelain face.

His hand brought her chin up so she'd face him again, his thumb flat against it. He looked into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity until she smiled, "Kurama, I better get back so Genkai doesn't worry."

"I understand. Don't forget our plans for tomorrow morning," he said softly before kissing her on the cheek, then letting her show herself out.

I was absolutely livid. How dare he flirt with her? She was my sister. He could be protective of his mother, so I could be protective of her. I knew how he was, it seemed like he was taking advantage of her weakness!

Though all of those thoughts were in my mind, her touching his leg and his lips kissing her cheek were the most vivid images. I knew then that my priorities were off, that they were selfish, but I didn't want to think that way. Denial was the safest course at that moment.

When she left, so did I. I slept in a tree a few blocks from his house. I wanted to watch them. I wanted to see what he'd try to do. I wanted to see… if she'd go along with it.

I woke up after sleeping four hours, and stared at the bright sky for a while. The light was painful, but it helped shock me to consciousness. I blinked many times, and felt mentally blank until I was awake enough to lean forward and rub my eyes. I had some of the shittiest sleep of my life that night.

My face was coated with sweat and pieces of my hair persisted to stick to my forehead. The sun was always too hot for my liking. I never much liked summer weather. Staring at the white sky I remembered how I missed the burgundy skies of my youth, and the simplicity of suffering silently about Yukina. Ignorance was bliss for her and apparently for me as well.

I shook my head and stood up slowly. Thinking wasn't helping. I ran the few blocks to the tree in front of Kurama's house, across the street. I resided there for about two or three hours before I heard movement in his house. By then I was already annoyed. People had begun to wake up, and the warmth meant many were going out, so many cars passed me, puffs of exhaust assaulting my lungs.

Kurama didn't take long to get ready, and he waited on his front steps for Yukina. I kept my head low, and was sure to mask my spirit energy. As I watched him, I noticed he was wearing a new shirt. It was a deep blue, a color I'd never seen on him. His hair was tied back, and his shoes were shiny. It seemed like he put far too much thought into seeing my sister…It made me growl deep in my throat.

I didn't expect Kurama to care so much, but when I saw Yukina I realized why he did. She wore a navy blue dress that seemed to be a little too big on her, but was still short enough that it barely passed the middle of her thighs. She had a white jacket that stopped at the curve of her spine, oddly short to me. Her hair was braided in two low braids that rested perfectly on her back. I couldn't help but feel protective of her bare legs, yet admire them, how thin yet firm they looked. It was hard for me to take my eyes off of her, amazed at her change of hairstyle and her revealing clothing, yet hard for me to not get annoyed that Kurama got to see her that way. She made me feel…far too many things at once.

I closed my eyes tightly to force my mind off of how beautiful she was. I needed to focus enough to follow them without Kurama noticing, and that wasn't nearly as simple as it sounded. I had to dart from one tree or building to the next when he passed them, preferably when a car passed so any tiny sound I might make would be masked.

I had been doing well, but my mission was set back when I realized they were going to a movie theatre. Kurama had taken me to one a few times and I remembered my suspicion at the time about the fact that they had no windows. There was no way I could watch them without windows, and sneaking in wasn't an option because that'd be too close. I had to wait, which raised my annoyance and anger towards Kurama.

After nearly three painstaking hours, they exited the building…holding hands. I felt my teeth grinding, my breath audible and angry. _Who does he think he is??_ I said to myself. Though I continued to follow them, I wanted to stop and beat him until he stopped moving. The only thing holding me back was Yukina, because I didn't want to traumatize or hurt her anymore…

Kurama walked her two blocks from the theatre to a nearby train station and waited with her for the next train. When she boarded, he watched her leave, and then turned to walk home. He walked slowly, and looked down solemnly with each step. Could it be that he missed her already?

I ran in front of him and blurred into his room before he entered his house. I stood in front of the open window, and stared at his closed bedroom door, my body heating up in anger as I heard him near with each step.

When he opened the door and saw me, he barely looked surprised. "Oh Hiei… its _you_. Why in the world would you be here five minutes after I went on a date with Yukina?"

"Kurama, do I need to end the world on your face?"

"She told me what happened," he said calmly, ignoring my question. He sat on his bed, untying his hair, and avoiding eye contact with me. "You can't expect her to wait like I did."

"Must you bring that up??" I looked away from him at that, sure of his answer.

"I think it's necessary. You're both young, time is far more important to you than it is to me. I'm older than much of human civilization; I can afford to wait, despite my human body."

"What's your point fox?"

"She can't handle long term pain like I could. She isn't used to emotional pain, and she's young enough that one day of it is torture. You wouldn't make her happy, so can I really be blamed for stepping in?"

"Yes…" I said under my breath, knowing he had beaten me thus far, but sure that I was right.

"How Hiei?" He sighed as he spoke, as if he were entirely sick of me, sick of those things he seemed so accepting of in the past.

"You're supposed to be my _friend_. You're supposed to be helping me, not getting in my way!" My words were angry; I spat them at him, not fully aware of what I had said.

"So you want to pursue her?"

"…I didn't say that." I cleared my throat, "I'm done with your questions. You're a waste of my time." Suddenly I jumped out of his window and ran toward Genkai's temple, my body likely no more than a black flash to Kurama.

I felt severely betrayed by him, and somewhat by Yukina, but I pushed those feelings away. She couldn't be blamed for trying to forget about me after what I had done, but he could be blamed for facilitating it so quickly after the event. Those feelings and thoughts made me run to her almost frantically, my inhibitions about speaking to her almost completely overthrown by the urge to not lose her too. If I lost Yukina… there'd be no one else, because it seemed Kurama had lost all respect for me. Without her I'd be alone, and at that time I wanted to hear her call out to me more than ever.

The sun beamed so brightly it hurt my eyes. It was so hot it made me uncomfortable in my cloak. To everyone else that day must have seemed perfect and beautiful, but to me it felt like everything was melting, and dripping through my fingers. There was no one to blame but myself.

I landed just outside of Genkai's temple, hidden by some overgrown brush. I was near Yukina's room, and I heard her voice, but I couldn't see her because of the tiny branches of the bushes that surrounded me. To gain a better vantage point I leapt upward and planted my feet on a very thin branch, one that wobbled with my weight and swayed in the wind as I stood. From there I could see her, the blinds open as she stood near the receiver of a telephone she was holding.

"I don't think I can do this…" she mumbled, her face solemn, her head hung low. Her braids were pulled loose making her hair slightly curled, individual locks looking wilder than usual, flowing in different directions. The two pieces that framed her face were the only straight pieces left, and they appeared lifeless compared to the others. "Is that really worth all this?" She closed her eyes, a silent tear running down her cheek, the gem hitting the table before she hung up the phone and walked out of my sight.

Before I had a chance to reposition myself to see where she went, I felt a quick and shocking pain on my head, the branch below me breaking, and my body falling. After less than I second I blurred to the ground, because I realized what had happened. Someone hit me over the head.

I immediately turned to face the falling branch, and before it hit the ground I saw who it was. That small figure alighted to the ground, her grayed, pink curls softly dropping to her shoulders. She stared at me angrily, her wrinkled eyes staring into my soul with disgust.

"Dumbass, stay the hell away from her!" she screamed in her raspy voice. I simply stared, only just realizing that I didn't sense her because nearly all of her power was given to the detective long ago. "If you're too much of a pussy to handle your emotions, she shouldn't have to suffer." Her voice was calmer, but she still spat those words with disdain and anger. I still didn't respond, only glaring at her, though I knew she was right.

Genkai ran towards me, her arm up and back, her fist ready to strike me. When she got close, I jumped from side to side to avoid her hits, my body nearly fast enough to be invisible. She continued to try to hit me, her punches far too predictable for her to be in her right mind. I continued to back up, stepping side to side as needed, sometimes more to the left, sometimes more to the right, her punches becoming faster, her hands nearly blurs as my body beat hers in speed.

I wasn't paying attention, I wasn't taking her seriously. Without realizing it, my back hit a giant rock, and her fist hit my cheek so hard it pushed me into the rock, my body slicing it half like a knife through butter. Though it barely ached, I laid in the rubble and stared up at the clear, happy sky for a moment. I felt as though it were mocking me.

"Get up you sad excuse for a man!" At that I sat up, leaning back on my hands, my legs partially bent in front of me. "Get up and fight me dammit!"

"I doubt you want to die." My words were quiet, and flat. The anger in my eyes was gone, and I was almost glad she had hit me. It's what I wanted to do to myself, only much harder, and many more times. She didn't deserve my retaliation.

"…No" she said in defeat, knowing it could never be a fair fight. I'm sure that was one of the moments that made her regret helping Yusuke. It was obvious that if she could have, she would have wanted to kill me. The only thing that would have ever stopped her was the fear of it hurting Yukina. In hindsight I realize that many fights have been prevented for Yukina's sake.

"I won't be stupid anymore." I stood up slowly and walked toward her. Her hands relaxed at her sides, and then moved behind her, our eyes never meeting as I passed her.

"Hurt her again, and I'll find someone who CAN kill you…" I chuckled to myself, the closest thing to responding to those words. In another life, we could have gotten along…maybe.

I entered her temple through a side door, dusting myself off as I walked. When I reached her door I knocked lightly, as if my knuckles were unsure. The door opened, and by her face I could tell she didn't expect it to be me. Her eyes stared at me with shock and insecurity, her lips slightly parted like she was going to speak but couldn't. I stared at her for a moment, and then looked down and away from her.

"Am I unwelcome?"

"…N-no." She stepped to the side, to let me walk in, her bangs partly covering her eyes. I walked to her window and focused on the outside with my back to her.

"I…"

"Kurama told me you went to see him, and he told me to tell you that this is none of your concern…" she blurted out, her words fast, almost rehearsed.

"…am sorry. I'm an idiot. That's all I came here to say." I began to turn around so I could leave but before I could turn completely she rushed to me, one hand grasping my shoulder.

"Why Hiei, why?!"

"…Why?"

"So, I can believe you."

"Because…" I looked away from her desperate eyes. "That thing was…entirely right, and that made you happy. That should have been enough, but I fled selfishly. I hurt you to protect myself, that's inexcusable."

"But Hiei…"

"You like Kurama now… I just don't want your hatred. I don't expect forgiveness."


	5. Reflection

"Hiei, no…you have it wrong….I told him this was wrong!" Yukina said sadly, deep regret audible in her tone.

"I don't think I have anything wrong." I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't plan to stop what was happening, but it didn't mean I was pleased about it. I blinked slowly, and then turned to leave, my limbs heavy with the pain that emanated from my chest.

"I'm sorry Hiei…" I stopped, an inch away from exiting her room. "I shouldn't have listened to Kurama; he told me this was the only way to get you back. Instead, I'm losing you all over again."

"What do you mean?" I mumbled under my breath, no hope in my mind, only asking to appease her. She wanted to tell me something, but I felt it would be useless to me. It seemed that what she had to say would only allow me to be angry at Kurama, and maybe part of me wanted an excuse.

"Just, promise you won't hate me…please??" I could tell she was on the verge of tears; a slight quiver in her voice gave her away.

"I couldn't."

"And that you won't hurt Kurama…"

"…Alright." Obviously what she was going to tell me _was _going to give me a reason to want to hurt him, and part of me didn't want to agree, but a larger part felt I owed her and wanted to respect her wishes above my own.

"Kurama told me you don't…handle emotions well. He said you run away from them, and you accept them eventually, but that I might not be able to wait that long…" I turned to face her, my head tilted as my interest and anger was heightened. "He told me that on the phone, because I called him after you left. Kurama told me to come over that night, and I did. When I was there he gave me a letter to read in the bathroom. It said you were watching us…and that we needed to put on a show for you. He promised to not be sexual, but told me to accept his advances, and to go on a date with him the day after, that he knew you'd be watching." My hands balled into fists, and my arms began to shake, my jaw clenched in a sad attempt to hide my anger. It wasn't aimed toward her, I realized that she was desperate at that time, and her face told me she regretted it.

"What else…?" I spoke calmly, though I knew she could hear how mad I was because her ruby eyes avoided my gaze, her lashes fluttering in an attempt to hold back tears.

"He contacted Botan that morning, and asked her to bring me some pretty clothes. That dress was the only thing that was small enough to almost fit me. Kurama told Botan to give me something a little revealing, to get you madder…that's the same reason he chose the movie theater, because he knew your mind would imagine things…though they never happened…" She needed to add that part at the end, I was sure. "I don't have romantic feelings for him, only you." Her eyes shut tightly, a lone teargem hitting the ground, the sound louder in my memory than it possibly could have been.

"I have to go."

"Why?" She grasped my forearm firmly, her fingertips gripping me so desperately that I looked into her eyes questioningly, my anger quelled for a moment. Her eyes were wide, the red color so deep and needy in a way I had never seen in her before.

"I'm not mad at you. I need to…talk, to Kurama."

"Really?" Her face scrunched up like she was in pain, yet her eyes looked at me for confirmation, the bit of hope that I was being honest keeping her from balling. I nodded slowly, my eyes not leaving hers until I grabbed her hand to free myself.

"I have to go…" When she nodded, her hand coming up to wipe her eyes and keep herself from crying anymore, I knew she was alright with me leaving.

Once I stepped from her doorjamb I began to run, the world a blur of green to me. After a few minutes I noticed grey blurs, and the impure smells of humanity. I was near Kurama's home. I didn't slow when I got in front of that tree, I didn't slow when I reached his window, I didn't even slow when I burst through it. I only stopped a few inches away from his body. He was in his bedroom, fully clothed, and standing, so he must have been walking to another part of the room, but I couldn't be sure.

I stared up at him with what I was sure were piercing eyes. I felt my entire body heat up with anger, my skin sweating more than usual, and my cloak feeling uncomfortable as if I were in direct sunlight. My lips curled into a snarl at seeing his calm face, his expression the same as it always was, no shock or shame. I wrapped both hands around his throat and pinned him against the wall, my speed propelling him so roughly into the wall that a picture frame fell to the ground, the glass shattering, and the frame breaking in half.

"Why fox?? Why? Why don't you dodge me? Why don't you hit me? Why do you keep looking down at me like I'm wrong? Why do you look at me as if you know everything??" He sighed so quietly it was nearly inaudible, his left hand grasping my right arm, ripping it from my throat and holding it, his hand squeezing, and my arm not strong enough to allow me to free myself. I growled under my breath, my eyes following his arm as he brought mine back and down to my side, holding it there, showing his strength by conquering my dominant arm with his left.

"Because I know you won't try to fight me and that even if you did try, I would give you more than a fair fight." He peered down at me with the same calm, almost sweet face, holding my arm at my side, nearly breaking it until I released his throat with my left hand, relaxing both arms so he'd let me go. Kurama stopped gripping my arm so tightly, but he still held it, his hand so light I barely felt it. "I don't think you're wrong, but you have your way, and that sadly tends to contradict with everyone else's way. I know she told you, I knew she would by how she was acting, I expected this. That's all I know, not 'everything'."

"Explain yourself." I demanded, though I knew I was in no place to demand anything of him.

"Having you get mad at me was worth having you realize you hurt her and worth having you try to fix it so quickly. Your own actions are what have lead to your recent misery, and I wanted to change your downhill course by any means." I looked away. My anger had almost entirely dissipated. I couldn't be mad at Yukina, and I couldn't be mad at Kurama either. He hurt me to help me, and risked losing me to force me to fix what I had done. "She's good for you." He chuckled a bit and let my arm go, his hand then resting on my shoulder. "I'll understand if you can't talk to me for a while."

"…Now I can't be mad anymore." I grumbled, my eyes still on the ground.

"So, you're mad, because you have no one to take your anger out on?" I nodded at his words, my eyes still on the ground, staring at it intently as if I was trying to burn a hole in it with my eyes. "...I'm sorry Hiei."

"Why?" I asked because Kurama always had reasons behind his actions and his words, he didn't use empty pleasantries with me, but I expected to hear something distant and somewhat cold as an explanation, like he was sorry I couldn't handle things properly.

"I'm sorry I put you in this position without being considerate of your feelings. I wasn't sure you valued our friendship enough to feel deeply betrayed. I thought you'd be able to take your anger out on me, or that after finding everything out you may not have any left. I had no clue you'd be stuck between those two extremes; you're somewhat glad I did this, and understand why, yet it still angers you." His expression softened further, his eyes deep with sincerity, "Is there something I can do?" I continued to stare at the floor, my face unchanged.

"Give me your bed for a few hours. This has affected my sleep." He nodded, a small smile on his lips. I'm sure Kurama knew that sleep would fix most of it, make things easier for me to deal with. I'm unpleasant when I'm sleep deprived.

I walked over to his bed, my head hanging low as it had been. I didn't gaze at him once. When I reached the end of the bed, I let myself fall into it, my body on top of the sheets and blanket. I was high enough so my feet didn't dangle at the end, but not high enough to rest on his pillows. That type of comfort didn't matter.

I can't say how long I was asleep, but I know that when I fell asleep there was some sunlight, and when I awoke there was none. It must've been the middle of the night when I stirred. Before I opened my eyes I realized Yukina was sitting at the end of the bed near my feet. Her sweet smell was unmistakable. She must've been worried about startling me, so she avoided sitting too close to me. Either that, or she was afraid I didn't want it.

I had slept on my side, my back to the room, so therefore my back to her. Without moving I spoke lowly, "Are you alright?"

"Oh… I am. Kurama called me a few hours ago; he said he wanted to take us out for breakfast tomorrow to make this up to you. He thought you'd like it if I stayed over since you were." Her voice sounded warm, it was refreshing. Not too long ago I was sure I wouldn't hear her sound that way for me ever again. "Can you…turn around…brother?" I nodded and slowly

I turned, lying on my back before sitting up and facing her. I felt overheated as her words pulled me from my sleepy state, and I realized that Kurama had covered my legs with a small blanket. I tossed it off and then began to bring my cloak over my head when she stopped.

Taking it off relieved me enough that I didn't notice she paused in her unnecessary apology. I tugged a bit at my light blue shirt to cool myself before noticing her silence and blushing face.

"…What?"

"Oh um, I was going to s-say I just missed you…" She turned away, her cheeks reddening by the second. "I didn't expect you to… remove that."

"Hmm..." I mumbled a response to signify that I understood, and she smiled softly, her cheeks still red.

"Why 'hmm'?"

"Because…I'm curious as to why that would embarrass you, so I pondered it."

"And what did you…figure out?"

"Something that you'd likely rather I not say."

"Yes… well…I put on some hot water to make tea for you; I think I should go check on it." I was sure she was only leaving to hide her embarrassment or to compose herself. She stood with her hands folded in front of her, very proper and ladylike as always. Yukina shot me another smile before bowing slightly and turning to leave.

When her hand touched the doorknob, Kurama's window shattered open. Glass shards rained into Kurama's room and I turned to face the cause, my teeth grinding with preparation to attack. As soon as I saw its navy blue skin, I blurred to the window. It was a demon. Though I reached it while it was still in mid air, it moved so quickly away from me that it blurred. I could barely see it until it stopped between Yukina and I.

Her back was to the door, mine to the window, our bodies facing each other with that thing between us. It was fast, too fast. I couldn't afford to move toward it, because it could get to Yukina faster than I could since it was closer and about the same speed as me. I was in an impossible position.

It faced me, and though we only stood still for a second or two, I was able to analyze it and the situation. I didn't sense it before its arrival because it was so tiny that he had no noticeable energy, and I was still groggy. That's why I hated letting my guard down. He was seemingly male, barely two feet tall, with navy scales, and only one vertical slit of an eye. He wore a tiny, black trench coat, and he had no hair anywhere on his grotesque little body.

After the two seconds of stillness, he began to laugh in such a high pitched voice that it sounded more like an evil giggle. He raised one hand to me, and one to Yukina, causing my hand to form a fist. I couldn't use the dragon, it could attack Yukina, and my sword wasn't long enough to get to him before he could move toward her.

I quickly noticed that they weren't really hands, more like vulture claws, three digits sharpened at the tips. When they opened, I became more perplexed, and more worried for her safety. On his palm was a set of teeth that slowly opened to reveal a void of a mouth, albeit small. He let out a loud chuckle, and that caused me to throw caution to the wind. I went to grab the hilt of my katana, but nothing happened. I could barely move. At that point, only my eyes and other organs were moving, but after another second even my eyes stopped, and then I couldn't breathe. The only thing left was my heart, but that's not what worried me. I heard air slip from Yukina's lungs and not return.

I could survive maybe another two or three minutes without air, but I wasn't sure about Yukina. I didn't know if her body differed from mine, if mine was tougher or more resilient from the lifelong fighting. I hoped it wasn't, but I feared it was. My fear became more real when her skin began to turn blue. Our hearts were still pumping but for how much longer?

Before I could grow furious, a dark purple gas began to seep from my mouth, being sucked into the void in his palm. Though I couldn't turn my glance upward, I could see enough of Yukina that I saw a similar thing happening to her, except the gas was light blue. When the last bit of gas escaped my lips, I felt my heart stop. Had I missed more than two or three beats, I would have lost consciousness and died, but as soon as the purple gas was sucked in by that mouth, the light blue gas was shot toward me, entering my nearly closed mouth and starting my heart again. The purple gas must've been taken in by Yukina, but I was so near death that I didn't see it myself.

Still, we had no air, and Yukina seemed to be on the verge of death, and my ability to last a minute or two longer than her was useless to me if she were already dead. I didn't know what to do, the lack of air made it hard for me to think, and we likely would have both died where we stood had a small vine not crept from under the door, wrapped around the demon's neck, and sliced right through it.

Yukina and I collapsed at the same time the body hit the ground. Kurama slipped in, not wanting to hit Yukina with the door, and knelt down beside her, his hand on her back.

"Are you two okay?" His voice hinted at worry, though he seemed to believe we were fine.

Suddenly I felt a sharp, unbearable pain in the center of my abdomen. I groaned lightly from it, but as I did, Yukina became to whimper. My arms wrapped around my middle and I held myself as tightly as my muscles would allow. Just as I thought I might be able to handle it, the area affected grew. As the pain spread, she grew louder, my voice remaining the same. When it reached our limbs she began to scream, and when it spread to our heads she screeched in agony. Only at that point did I begin to scream, though my voice was entirely eclipsed by hers. My hands covered my ears, my fingers digging into my head, and from what I could see, so were hers. We curled up into little balls on the floor and began to shake and convulse, soon rocking back and forth as if we were losing our minds. It seemed like every part of my body was dying, but my soul had to stick around and feel it.

The pain began to pulsate, and I looked to Yukina, her voice unwavering. I didn't focus on Kurama, only her, I had no idea how he was reacting because my eyes were drawn to her hairline. It was suddenly blackening.

The darkness inched down her hair, covering it completely. Then her skin began to tan, the darker color spreading from her head down, ending at her fingertips. Were we really rotting away? My question was answered when the pain suddenly stopped.

I cautiously sat up, my body weak and drained from the immense pain. Yukina was still whimpering from the aftermath, her mind recalling the pain, her body too tired to let her sit up, though she rested on her side so she could see me. When my eyes met hers, we both stared in shock. Her hair had really turned black, her skin darker than usual, though her eyes remained bright crimson. Though her face, eyes, and hair were all the same shape, she…looked like me.

Kurama was rubbing her back, trying to help calm her. His face gave away his feelings of confusion and horror, and when he looked at me with those same terrified eyes I glanced down at my hands. My skin was pale, and I felt far cooler than usual. I pulled my katana from its sheath and stared into the reflective metal. My hair was sea green, still spiky with a white starburst, but…no longer black. My skin was light; it was fair like hers was.

"Hiei! What happened to you?!?!" She screamed, though her voice was somewhat hoarse.

"You mean, the both of you…" Kurama sounded depressed, almost traumatized, though being in his shoes might have done the same to me.

"I'm more concerned with…why?"


End file.
